Letter to the "old" Shantal - Celebrated my Lifetime Goal Tonight

In Picture from tonight at my WW Lifetime Celebration... Me, Missy (my Leader), Lisa, and Alyssa. These fantastic staff members have helped me every week for the last 48 weeks!

With celebrating MY LIFETIME GOAL tonight with the WW family; it felt only natural to write a letter to the old me, from the new me. The feelings that came over me this evening were so unbelievable. I have came so far and to be able to stand up and celebrate it, truly amazing.

Dear Old Shantal,

When I look at who you were, it is hard for me to stomach that person, that sight. I feel sad for you, I see the pain in your eyes, and the shame in your face. I know that each and everyday, you are wishing you were someone else. Your "fat" clothes are too tight, and you were convinced it is just your winter weight and it will go down again. Guess what? It's not your clothes, it's you. You are obese. You are more than obese, you are dying and killing yourself each day that you make poor choices.

You hid food, ashamed to eat in front of people and binge eat when no one is around. The lack of movement in your life is absolutely terrible, you hardly played with your own kids! They were missing out on YOU!!!!!!! They want you, they need you, they want the mom they deserve to have. You need to be setting an example for them, showing them how to LIVE. Get off your ass! You were not too busy to eat healthy and prepare meals for your family, you were not too busy to workout, it's all BS. If you want it, do it. Stop being that person that complains about being unhappy with themselves, but does nothing to try and change it. I love you, you deserve the best in life. You are a great person, and people like you. You forgot who you were, you were lost. Your husband loves you how you were, but was scared that he would be raising your children without you if you didn't change.

As the "new" Shantal, I can tell you I am happy, beautiful, confident, healthy, and feel like I am a teenager again. I can walk into any store and buy clothes without having to worry about the size. I can workout and finish it without feeling like I might die or puke. I do not need to stand a certain way in pictures anymore to try and hide my body or my chin(s). I can be ME again, I have found myself. I have gained my life back. I play with my children, I bring them outside, go for walks or to the park or whatever it is that they want to do. I actually look forward to get up each day and get ready for work looking forward to the outfit I might wear. I enjoy being active, and cannot imagine my life without it. I LOVE hearing people tell me how I look like a different person, I am. I look at life completely different now.

I can tell you that I am still scared of you. I am scared that you could return one day, and as much as I love you. I hate you. I don't want to see your face again, that look of shame in your eyes it something that I saw each day for far too long. I want to see joy, pride, excitement, happiness, beauty, and love. I want to see... ME! You are in my past, and long gone. Though I will move on from you, I will never forget you. Without you, I would not be ME today. I needed you to show me what I don't want in life anymore. I needed you to show me what it is like to walk in someone else's shoes.

The day you decided you had enough and needed a change, June 21, 2010. You walked into Weight Watcher's and asked for help, at 5'4" you weighed in at 203.4lbs. You couldn't believe that you could have allowed yourself to get to that point, but for once instead of making excuses as to why you were that heavy, you took responsibility and owned it. You knew it wouldn't be an easy journey, but it was something that you were ready to take on. You were more determined than you'd ever felt in your life.

As the new you, 48 weeks later I have met your goal, and exceeded it. I am so proud to say that I currently weigh in at 151.2lbs! That is 52.2lbs lighter than the day I walked into that building!!!!! I am going to continue this journey and see where it takes me. I am not going to stop, this is my life now. I am still as determined as I was in the beginning, but have realized how hard I have worked to get to this point. I am so proud of you, I am so impressed that you DID it! When I hug you, I can actually wrap my arms around you :) I love you, you absolutely did it.

Love,

The New and Seriously Improved Shantal