Where have I been?!?!

I am not sure what my problem has been for the last three weeks, but boy have I been slacking. I haven't blogged, haven't tracked, have hardly exercised, and my eating over Turkey day definitely could have been better.

I have been lazy. No real excuses, just lazy.

I got out of my routine, and it has been a struggle for me to get back into it. But I said to myself over the weekend that no matter what it took I would get back on track and move forward. And this week, has been much better for me. I might be over-analyzing this a bit, but I keep looking over my actions/behavior over the last few weeks and wonder, what changed? I am not sure anything really "changed", I just slipped.

Luckily, I have managed to stay at the exact same weight and I haven't gone completely overboard in the eating direction. That has stayed the same, aside from Thanksgiving. (Which by the way, I completely over ate to the point of the worst stomach ache I have had in a really really long time...). And because I have now made this my lifestyle I able to recognize when I am slipping, and have the strength to make it right. I have the want and need to continue on, and this is just part of this process. It's a daily challenge, and doesn't go away just because I lost weight. I have said this before, the "fat" girl is still in me and she pokes out every once and a while to keep me in check.

I talked about my struggles with my members at last weeks' meetings, I feel it is important that they realize that I have the same struggles as them and we are in this together. I am not perfect, and I want them to realize that these feelings really never go away completely. There will always been ups and downs along the way.

I am going to keep on trucking, giving my best and doing what is needed to stay where I want to be. And truthfully, even though I have not gained any weight in the last 3 weeks, I feel gross. I need to be on track, for my own sanity.

On a plus note, I have recently discovered knitting! It has seriously helped me with my "TV munchies"! I am keeping my hands busy and I haven't been snacking nearly as much while I am watching TV :) I might not be very good at it, but I enjoy it!

So here's to a great week! AND it's my baby boys' 3rd birthday tomorrow :) 3 already!

Damn you Halloween Candy....

Everyone that knows me, knows I have an addiction to fruit snacks and chewy treats.... Ugh. Something I cannot move on from, I have fruit snacks every single night, at least two packs. Love them. WELL, with Halloween and the ridiculous amount of candy my children got this past year - man I sure am tapping into those chewy treats. Between, fruit snacks, tootsie rolls, laffy taffy, and anything else they may have rec'd, I can't keep my hands out of that cookie jar!For the most part, I am not doing nearly as bad as I thought I would be but it seems like I have been grabbing them more often than "normal". I have no self control when it comes to candy... usually I eat so much of it the first few days that I get sick of it and then don't want it for a while. I am really hoping that will be the case.

Make it go away. Damn you candy.

I did it! I led my first meeting, it was awesome!!!!

Today I led my very first WW meeting, and it was a total success!!!!! It was such a rush to be in front of a room of members, and they actually participated! It felt totally natural to be up there, I wasn't nervous, and it just flowed :)

Today's topic was "Tricks NOT Treats" and challenges with Halloween temptation. I decided early on, I wasn't going to do a whole lot of planning. I wanted to go into it casual and carry a natural conversation with the members and it went exactly how I hoped and then some! Minus the part that I closed the meeting 5 minutes early not being aware of the time... oops.

Success! I loved every minute of it, and the feedback from the members afterwards gave me an extra boost of confidence that I needed to top the cake! My next meeting is Tuesday, and I am hoping it will go just as well. After the last 3 months of training, it is finally coming to an end and I can put all of the tools I have learned to good use :)

Children & Weight Issues

I am warning you, this is can be a controversial issue and I am certainly not one to push my beliefs/feelings on other people but this is a topic that I feel passionate about and well... I want to talk about it. These are MY feelings, and not meant to start a fire of opinions/facts/right/wrong.

I had a weight issue for most of my adult life, and have first hand seen/felt how different people treat you when you are obese. People can be cruel, judgemental, and it feels like the world is against you. As an adult, I could have controlled my actions, been active and prevented myself from gaining weight. I didn't, therefore, I was obese. Children don't always have the tools to make those choices, who's job is it to guide them and help provide a healthy environment? The parents? School? Who? At what point does a parent step in and take matters into their own hands?

I recently had a very emotional conversation with a co-worker who shared with me that her 12 year old daughter has a serious weight problem and has now reached over 250lbs. My heart absolutely broke. The feelings that she must be feeling as an overweight child must be overwhelming. But most importantly, how did she get to that point at 12 years old? What went wrong? Why didn't her parents step in and help her when they noticed she was heavier than the "average" child her age? Are there other reasons that a child can be obese? Hereditary? Metabolism?

As a mother to two young children, it is my job to teach them these tools their entire life. It is my job to keep them healthy, and surround them with a safe environment. It is my job to protect them. As of right now, this is not an issue in my house. But I will be damned if I sit back and watch my children's life fade away day by day without intervening. This topic boggles my mind, it saddens me and I wish there was something I could do to help this little girl gain her life & self confidence back. There is a whole world out there waiting for her, and as an obese woman in today's society unfortunately she will not be treated the same as a woman of "normal" weight.

What resources are available out there for children w/ weight issues?
What resources are available for parents with children w/ weight issues?

Recipe - Indian Summer Butternut Squash

Last year I found a new love for butternut squash and inspired by a side dish in a Lean Cuisine frozen meal, I made this up and it is my favorite fall side dish! I named it Indian Summer Butternut Squash because of the beautiful fall colors that the dish has. Seemed fitting :) I didn't take any pictures tonight of the recipe, I just didn't think of it...

Indian Summer Butternut Squash

1 - Medium Butternut Squash, peeled and cut in cubes
1 - Onion, chopped
1/3 Cup - Dried Cranberries
2 - Granny Smith Apples, chopped
1/3 Cup - Water
1 Tbsp Cinnamon (or to taste)
1 Tbsp Nutmeg (or to taste)

1. Preheat oven to 450 degrees

2. Spray glass casserole dish with cooking spray

3. Add prepared ingredients to dish; squash, onion, dried cranberries, apples, and water

4. Mix ingredients well, top with cinnamon & nutmeg to taste - cover casserole dish w/ lid

5. Bake for apprx. 1 hour 15 minutes or until squash is soft

6. Let cool slightly, serve, and enjoy!

Serving Size 3/4 Cup (4 WW PointsPlus per Serving)

Go away saggy skin :(

Have you ever seen a deflated balloon? Or the jowls of a dog? Yup, that's my stomach. For the most part my body has bounced back pretty good and I don't have a lot of saggy skin from losing weight. But my stomach is terrible! No matter how hard I work at it, it's hard underneath but the skin literally just hangs there... It is probably one of my biggest insecurities about my body.

I often say "if you don't like what you see, don't look." I have worked very hard to get where I am today, but I am human and still have insecurities. I can't help but stare at it, and feel it in my clothing.

How is it that I can feel so good about myself, but this one thing holds me back from feeling completely confident in my own skin? At 203.4 lbs I would've given anything to look this way now, and feel how I do about myself. Our bodies take a serious beating and are absolutely amazing how they can bounce back time and time again... Maybe after two pregnancies, and losing 55lbs+, this is as good as it gets? Just part of the deal?

My Love/Hate Relationship with The Scale.

Not that this is healthy, but possibly obsessive... I weigh myself every morning when I wake up. Literally, every single morning. I have been around the same weight for a couple of months now give or take a pound or two, but lately the scale has not been my friend. I really didn't intend on losing much more weight, but my "ultimate" goal is to get back down to my pre-pregnancy weight of 143. I decided when I got to my goal of 50lbs loss, I would keep doing what I am doing and my body would eventually get there. I haven't been overly concerned about it, but it seems like no matter what I change up I am stuck at the same weight, 148/149.

I started tracking again, and have been very good about it for the last several weeks. I was training hard for my marathon, and now I have started back at the gym with my freed up time. And still, the scale won't budge.

Maybe this is the weight I am supposed to stay at? I really don't think so, I think my body can get down another 5lbs. I am not a big girl, I am 5'4" (barely) but yet for months, I am still here. Some days I am way down, and then the very next day I am up 2lbs. SOOOO frustrating.

But instead of throwing in the towel, I am going to keep trucking. Continue working out, eating right, and most importantly tracking. This just goes to show, that even after you have lost the weight it is still a struggle. Nothing comes easy, at goal, you still have to work to stay there.

Let's hope for some scale movement next week :)